"The sun was streaming through the golden hay surrounding me as I walked through the field behind my grandparent’s farm house. My first visit in years, I felt the summer wind-- warm and fragrant as it swirled around me, and out of the corner of my eye, I spotted a small path. I walked until I found myself near a small building-- I heard noise, and slowed, keeping close to the structure until I could peek around the corner. I then spotted the source of the noise-- There was a lovely girl with her arms wrapped around the neck of some farm-hand. He spun her around and pulled down her top, revealing her gorgeous tits. His mouth’s attention turned to the girl’s neck as his calloused hands pulled her jeans down. His hands appeared scratchy and roughened, yet the girl moaned as the boy’s palms danced across her skin."
I've got to say, that as my first attempt at writing an FFF compostion-- This was not easy! I started the entry with a rather long piece, and then just kept hacking away at the writing until I finally, painfully, pulled my word count down to 149-- Just enough to stay within the boundaries of the challenge. Normally, I don't write fiction, but this was a really fun exercise, and I think that I'll definitely be doing it from now on.
-Violet.
Unique voyeuristic approach to the exercise. Wish I'd thought of that. Well done.
ReplyDeleteVery nicely done, I agree with OL, the third party observer is a great perspective. Well done.
ReplyDeleteWonderful story. I never thought of the voyeur aspect of the picture. Arousing scene to stumble on for sure. Welcome to FFF!
ReplyDeleteIt's so simple and yet very powerful. We're left to fill in the pieces; what effect did this event have on the narrator, did he/she join in, what was the upshot of all of it? And yet the clues are there. I wonder if this comes from having had to pare down a larger story, or just from the initial quality of the writing. In any case, a great first entry, and I'm always fascinated to learn what methods other people use to get under those magic word limits :)
ReplyDeleteI hope you do continue to join us, because this was a nice first entry. I definitely like the voyeur aspect as well as it's something I never even considered. Glad you enjoyed the exercise and thanks for playing along with us this week! Welcome.
ReplyDelete-- PB
this was fun to read. very vivid. i felt like i was the one watching them. enjoyed watching them. ;-) happy flash fiction friday!
ReplyDeleteOooh, voyeurism....very sexy!
ReplyDeleteThank you to everyone who commented here yesterday! Rest assured, I read all of them, and I'm very, very happy with what everyone had to say. Thank you so much for welcoming me to this challenge with such open arms.
ReplyDeleteReading these all rather late, but I think this one is my favorite! Great start. Keep writing!
ReplyDeleteRozewolf
Thank you so much, wordwytch. :] I do intend to do this week's as well, check back in on Friday.
ReplyDelete