Gentlemen, I absolutely hate the evil that you all define as "sex". I jest, of course, and said this merely to shock you. In actuality, there is nothing I enjoy more than a casual romp with a well-endowed chum, leading to intercourse of vivid variation. Again, I say this to shock you, as I am certain that there are things that I do, in fact, enjoy more passionately than frivolous pursuits of the flesh. I won't elaborate much further on this, Gentlemen, as it would be a complete displeasure to bore you before even reaching the precipice of this entry.
Gentlemen, I have received what they call a "vibrator". I now see no reason in the world for men to have phalli at this time, and it would be appalling to have to touch the male anatomy for the duration of my life. I jest, of course, and would probably like nothing more than to pleasure you orally, or however you see fit. But, yes, Gentlemen, this vibrating tool of female pleasure is rather explicit in its productivity and ingeniousness. It really is a most valuable object, and suddenly dear to mine heart-- My greatest thanks to the man who bought this splendid artifact for me.
*With utmost apologies to Dostoevsky.
-Violet
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