Day 3: Discovery

Day 3: How did you discover you were kinky?

This is a funny subject for me, but I'd say that the answer is that I knew that I was kinky when I was about twelve, about to be turning thirteen, years old. I've always had wild fantasies about being a subordinate, or being Princess Leia in Return of the Jedi, and other kinds of weird, twisted, broken-fairytale fantasies. I never wanted to be the well-treated Princess, but rather the servant. I guess that those fantasies from when I was young really seem to make a lot of sense, now that I know where my personality has lead me.

Other than these childish breaks from reality, I was getting desires to be beaten and raped by rough looking men I saw on the streets. As a small, innocent-looking pre-teen, I caught myself being very turned on by stories of rape, group-sex with minors, and stories of kidnapping and incest. I had some personal experiences growing up, and thought that my interest in all of this was just a manifestation of trauma from that. Except, now I know-- It wasn't. I see my kinky self, and any childhood trauma as two separate entities. Almost coincidental.

But I digress, when I got my first computer the summer before I turned thirteen, I spent a lot of time trying to figure myself out online. I started with Wikipedia, and meandered my way to joining BDSM-based "cults" on the Vampirefreaks website, and only recently moved to joining fetish-specific sites such as Fetlife. I never had a dawning realization, but the more I learned about fetish-y things, the more I realized that I was most definitely kinky, and I'd think you all agree.

-Violet.